Setting Boundaries in a Digital Age

For the last month or so, my therapist and I have been talking about boundaries. Mainly, how I’m not the best at setting them, and how radically different your life is when you start to enforce them.

I’m sure setting boundaries is easier for some than others, but I can’t help but think of how being so hyper connected makes it even harder for us all. We’ve never had more access to each other than we do today. No answer when you called? DM them. Blocked from their social media and phone? Send them an email. It’s so hard to say “here is your level of access to me, please respect that boundary,” when there are just so many access points.

On the flip side, we have so much access into the lives of others. We make judgements based on follower accounts and filters. Everyone’s vacations are perfectly filtered and edited. Everyone seems to be having a good weekend, a great life and an even better career. The news is 24/7 and so are the highlight reels of complete strangers on the internet.

And I know I’m not the only one.

We all feel this in our day to day lives, but as someone who shares and creates so much for the internet, it often feels ten times greater for me. I’m lucky that you guys are super engaged whenever I share content and always have great replies and comments. Community is my favorite part of being a creator, so I’m always compelled to reply to every email, comment, DM and mention I get. But the internet is a non-stop, 24 hour a day, 7 day a week thing. It rarely turns off.

The first time I saw this post on one of my favorite Instagram accounts, my head started nodding in agreement.

The fact of the matter is, with so many ways to get and keep in touch with one another, we have to be clear and deliberate about what our boundaries are. Setting boundaries are how we tell others how we value ourselves, and how they should treat us. In an online landscape, this is even more important because, for the most part, we’re dealing with strangers! I know I’ve said it a million times, but knowing small, curated bits of someone’s life via blogs, instagram posts or videos does not equate to knowing them.

I’m working on setting boundaries in all areas of my life, but one area that I think I’ve nailed is digital. I work a 9-5 doing digital marketing. Then I come home to schedule blogs and social media for myself. So getting this together was pretty critical. Here are some of my standing boundaries.

No phone before 7:30am

Most of us use our phones as alarm clocks, so it’s natural to start scrolling first thing in the morning. My phone doesn’t blocks all of my apps except for my podcast and audiobook apps until 7:30. This gives me time to get up, have some breakfast and coffee, journal, read my devotional and start working on the blog first. It helps me eliminate distraction and doesn’t suck me into a black whole first thing.

No phone after 10pm

It’s a personal goal to bump this up to 9pm and really get back into nighttime routine. It’s proven that the blue light from our phones disturbs our sleep. I like to put my phone down as early as possible and pick up a book instead to settle in. It definitely helps me fall asleep faster and wake up feeling rested.

Limit email to specific times

Once I’m home from my 9-5, I check my email around 6pm to see if anything needs an immediate reply. I handle most of my blog/freelance emails in the morning before work, and then do another round between 6-7pm. I never keep notifications on for email, so I’m not tempted to check. On the weekends, I check in once or twice for critical things. On vacation, I completely delete the app!

Turn notifications off!

Turning off notifications is the best thing I’ve done for myself!! Do you post to Instagram, and then wait for the phone to light up with likes? Or reply to every mention or message as soon as you see it? This is a huge time suck and makes me super anxious. When I’m social, I’m on and present and when I’m off, I keep things the same way.

Express your boundaries

I got an automatic reply from a colleague once stating that her preferred means of communication was text and to never leave her a voicemail. She became my new favorite person! I haven’t done this yet, but this week, I’m creating an auto reply to let people know when I check email and when to expect a reply.

No laptop in bed

When I moved into this new apartment, I vowed no more computers in bed! I own a tv for the first time since high school, so I can binge all of my favorite shows in the living room. I want my bed to stay a place of rest, not work, so I’m strict on this one!! The only exception to this rule is when I’m sick and can only feel better by watching Crazy Rich Asians in bed for the 10 millionth time. But that’s it!!

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I’d love to hear how technology has made you enforce new boundaries, or which boundaries you’re struggling to set? Share your thoughts in the comments!